Chapter 21

“Hi” I say shyly as I watch her groggily awaken.

For the past twenty five minutes I’ve just lain here watching her sleep. She’s a restless sleeper, the way she tosses and turns in the night, flailing her arms and legs when she gets too hot or too uncomfortable.

I watch the way her nose wrinkles every now and then and her brows furrow as she seems to be dreaming. I softly caress her tear stained cheeks that are coated with mascara residue. She looks a mess but a beautiful mess if that makes any sense.

Her hair is matted to her forehead where she’s been sweating and as she parts her lips... well let’s just say after a night of throwing up, my morning breath would smell like hers too. But I still wanna kiss her. I want to take her in my arms and tell her that she’s okay and that this nightmare is going to be over with soon.

But I can’t because I’m still angry. Now that I know she’s going to be fine, my anger from last night, before I saw the state she was in, well it’s resurfaced and I just want her to wake up so that we can talk. 

When I see her eyelids flutter open and see her eyes adjust to the morning light that’s seeping through the half drawn curtains, the only thing I can muster is “Hi."

She tries but fails miserably at saying “Hi” back to me. I guess her mouth is too dry to talk at the moment. I know how this feels... the morning after... it’s a pain in the ass so I get her failed attempt.

“You want some water?” I ask her knowingly.

I watch her shake her head yes at my question.

“I’ll be right back” I say as I crawl over her body, off the sofa and walk out of the room.

I guess I need to get my head together before I start asking twenty questions. Am I even ready to hear what she has to say? What if she confirms my suspicions that she was out with another man last night? What if she tells me that she was “working”? How am I gonna handle hearing any of this?

I take my time pottering around the kitchen. I know I’m procrastinating. I know I’m putting off the inevitable but I don’t think I can face another setback where Ava is concerned.

I hate the fact that I’ve fallen for this woman. I hate how much I’ve come to rely on her to make me feel good about myself. I should be able to do that myself right?

I pour myself some of the freshly brewed coffee that I’m guessing Grace must’ve made.

I can’t face Ava just yet so I sit at the kitchen table and stir my coffee endlessly, hoping that within the next five minutes, I’ll somehow muster the courage and strength I need to make my return back to the living room... to hear what she has to say.


~~~~


After ten minutes of waiting patiently for Michael to return with my much needed drink, I throw back the blanket that I’m wrapped in and rise unsteadily to my feet.

My head is pounding and it feels like a marching band has literally set up camp behind my eyes. The daylight spewing through the floor to ceiling windows aren’t helping much either.

I feel a right mess so I’m guessing that should I pass a mirror, my reflection will only confirm this feeling.

I head towards the kitchen and when I make it to the doorway, I see that he’s sat at the kitchen table hunched over a cup of coffee. 

He has his eyes closed and he’s resting his forehand in his one hand whilst the other clutches at the cup in front of him.

Immediately I feel a sense of guilt wash over me. His body language tells me that he’s fed up. Of me though? I’m not sure. But there’s something else I can sense but I can’t quite put my finger on it just yet.

“You can sit down if you want” he states quietly with his eyes still closed, breaking me from my reverie.

I make my way over to the table and sit down beside him. He’s sat at the head of the table so I sit to the side of him rather than opposite him. I feel that there’s already enough space between us, I don’t think I could face anymore right now.

I take a sip of water from the glass that he was going to bring to me. My throat feels so parched and as I gulp down the liquid, well the burning sensation feels like I’ve swallowed a thousand razor blades or something.

“Ava we need to talk” he states matter of fact.

Uh oh is the only thing that’s running through my mind right now and after a few more sips of water, the drink starts to have some relief on my dried up vocal cords as I mange to say one word “okay.”

I can’t face looking at him right now so I just stare blankly into the half empty glass before me. I hear him whoosh out some air and out of the corner of my eye, I see him sit back into his chair as he runs his hands through his hair.

“Why Ava?” I hear him ask after what seemed like an eternity of silence.

The way he says this has me feeling so remorseful, so ashamed, so frustrated that I didn’t swallow my damn pride and tell him about Lucas to begin with.

“Michael I’m sorry” is all I manage to say. Three measly words? Is that all I can give him? He deserves so much more than three measly words!

The tension in the air right now is so palpable, its so thick that you could cut it with a knife and it scares me. I don’t want to lose him. But I know I’m damned if I do and I I’m damned if I don’t. It’s a catch twenty-two situation where I know the truth is gonna hurt like hell, but if I lie to him now, I’m sure it’s gonna come back to bite me in the ass in the future. So I inhale a deep breath and prepare myself mentally for what I’m about to say...


~~~~


Sorry? She’s sorry? This can’t be good. She must be seeing someone else. Why else would she be sorry?

“I-I- m-met Lucas” she says stammering before dropping her gaze back into the half drunk glass that she’s been nursing since she sat down.

My heart feels like it’s been ripped from my chest at the mention of this sleaze balls name. I knew it. She was “working” after all. Why else would she hook up with that punk?

She must see my thoughts playing out across my face as she says in a hurt voice “It wasn’t like that Michael.”

“Then what was it like Ava?” I demand back.

I see the unshed tears in her eyes, but I’m hurting too much inside for them to have any effect on me. Right now I could throttle someone, anyone and I usually hate violence... but this woman... this woman has me bugging so hard right now... I don’t even recognize who I am at this moment in time.

“He bribed me to meet up with him...” I stay silent long enough for her to continue.

“I-uh-h-he well he h-has pictures of us Michael.” I see a single tear drop from her left eye and watch it cascade down her cheek as I process what she’s just said.

Pictures? Of us? Doing what?

“Everything” I hear her say. I must’ve said those thoughts aloud as she continues to tell me “he has pictures of us at the club the first night we met, me leaving this house in the early hours of the morning, me coming back to the house late at night, us getting in and out of cars, us with the children at a show, us... kissing at the show.” 

For a moment I thought she was gonna say that Lucas had somehow gotten hold of intimate pictures of us. Why was she trippin’ so hard on these pictures? Who cares if he has pictures of us out and about right?

“Ava baby who cares if he has pictures of us? What does it matter? Why get so upset?” I say sounding much calmer than before.

“H-he’s gonna bribe you Michael... he says that if he doesn’t get paid... w-well then the world... is going to know y-y-you’re sleeping with... with... a wh**e.” She’s now sobbing and all I can do is sit there stunned at what she’s just revealed.

I want to hug her to me, I want to kiss her and tell her that everything will be alright, I want last night to never have happened, but most of all, most of all I want to take care of this punk Lucas.

Who the f**k does he think he is? Bribe me? Me?

“How much?” I hear myself bitterly say. I don’t mean to take my anger and frustrations out on her but dang. Another bottom feeder tryna come after me and my money? When will this sh!t cease to end?

“F-five h-hundred t-t-thousand” I hear her say softly.

As soon as the words escape her lips, I’m laughing... and hard.

I can’t stop.

Is this punk for real?

Five hundred grand?

Half a million dollars?

For his silence?

Who the f**k is gonna believe him anyways? Unless I’m kissing a dude the tabloids ain’t gonna give two sh!ts if I’m f**king a so-called wh**e. Hell this would go against everything they’ve said and done to me over the years, so why would they run a story now that shows the world that I’m a man with needs? Any man in their right mind would bang Ava and pictures of me and her, well that’d only prove once and for all that I’m not gay and they aint’t ever gonna run stories like that.

“What’s so funny?” I hear the irritation in Ava’s voice.

I wipe away the laughter tears from my eyes and take a hold of Ava’s hand in both of mine before I say between giggles “Baby, do you realize how ridiculous this demand is?” 

I see the confusion in her eyes at my unexpected laughter. Clearly she’s worried about Lucas but simply put, I couldn’t give a rats ass about this d!ck weed.

“B-but Michael if he releases these pictures... and tells them about Shawna... and that she’s my cousin... people are gonna think badly of me... I’m... I’m not a wh**e Michael... I don’t want people to think that of me... and of you... it’s not true...” 

She’s falling over her words as she shakes her head fiercely. She’s not thinking as rationally as I am. I know how the tabloids work, this would only go in my favor and anything that would help a brotha out, well I know for a fact they ain’t gonna suck up this story unless it could do real damage to me or my career... unless it’s something like... like before... this won’t get a rise out of them. No way, I’m sure of it.

I tell her this but still she looks worried and confused. Maybe it’s the after effects of the drugs but she still looks sprung out. She looks nervous as hell and scared... she looks real scared.

“Baby... come ere” I ask pulling gently at her hands.

I watch her slowly get up and I grab a hold of her as she starts to sway unsteadily on her feet.

“I gottcha” I say before I sit her on my lap.

I smooth her long hair away from her face and tuck it behind her ears, all the while never losing contact with her eyes... those eyes... they hold me captive... so green, so bright... even though they’re a different shade they remind me so much of how Paris’ eyes twinkle and captivate me at times.

“How are you feeling babygirl?” I ask.

I see the tears spring to her eyes once again and I can tell that she has regrets about last night. The way she looks at me pleadingly with her eyes... she’s silently begging me for my forgiveness but for what? Apart from meeting with this scum bag, has she done anything else I should be worried about?

“I-I’m sorry Michael... I-I should’ve t-told you about the photos... and about Lucas' demands...”

“Sssshhh, baby, it’s okay, I’ll deal with that idiot” I say soothingly whilst rocking her back and forth like a child as she clings onto my shirt and buries her face deep into my chest.

“But how are you feeling health wise baby... you know what happened to you... right? I had my Doctor stay over last night... just in case. You want me to wake him?”She’s shaking as she sobs quietly, I can feel her tears soaking my shirt.

The anger that I felt before appears to have dissolved and now... well now I only feel relief.

Relief that she hasn’t cheated on me... relief that she’s... we’re going to be okay.

“N-no I’m f-fine” she whispers.

“I-I just have a headache... could you get me something for that?” She asks.

I guess in a roundabout way she’s answered my question. How could she not know what happened to her last night right?

“Sure babygirl, lemme getcha something for that” I say as I start to move her away from me, but she just tightens her grip on me and I hear her beg “no, not yet... don’t leave me, please don’t leave me...”

The way she says this, so broken, so fragile... she has my heart breaking all over again.

Unable to speak, we just sit here for a while and I continue to clutch her close to me and rock her back and forth.

She’s the first to break the silence when she says “I saw my father last night...” 

It takes me a minute or so to digest what she’s just said. Her father?

She told me her father had passed away? She must’ve been dreaming...

“I was so frightened to let him go Michael... but he told me I couldn’t stay with him... he said that I had to listen to the voice... you’re voice...” she cries softly.

My voice?

“Did you mean it?” she asks.

“Mean what baby?” I ask confused.

I hear her sniffles and she wipes her eyes before she sits up to look at me straight on.

She’s searching my eyes again for something... but for what... I’m not sure... her expression is hard to read...

“That you love me?” she says after a few seconds.

“Yes” I say without hesitation. “I love you Ava” I can feel myself blushing.

The way she stares intently, it’s like she’s staring right into my soul. Does she see what I’m feeling? Can she tell what I’m thinking? The way she’s stripping away the barriers that I normally erect has me captivated under her spell.

I haven’t felt like this in so long... not since...

I watch as she moves forwards and places her forehead against mine. She’s dangerously close to my lips and one move and I could captivate hers with my own. But I don’t.

I stay perfectly still and await her response.

She brushes her lips to mine and says “I love you Michael... so much it hurts...”

I want to cry at her response. I want to scream at the top of my lungs that I’m in love.

I want to throw her delicate body over my shoulders and race upstairs where I can make passionate and crazy mad love to her over and over...

But I don’t.

Right now... well I guess this is enough for me. Feeling her soul so close to mine... the way we’re connecting mentally, this is enough satisfaction to my aching body.

The way she holds on to me and tells me that I’m loved... I’m needed... I’m wanted... that’s enough for me.

I feel her start to get limp in my arms and when I look down, I see she’s drifted back off to sleep.

I guess the drugs still haven’t worn off, but by the content look on her face... it’s a look of pure bliss that from the way I’m grinning I think it must be reflected on my own features.

I wait a little while longer until I know for sure that she’s asleep and then I carry her upstairs to the privacy of my room.

Placing her gently on the bed, I watch her for a few minutes longer until I muster enough strength to break myself away from her and then make my way back downstairs.

It's still pretty earlier so the children are still sleeping.


But before they wake up I need to see my security detail. I need this Lucas guy sorted once and for all...