Chapter 12

Touching down at McCarran airport this morning I can tell you was such a relief. I hadn’t caught a wink of sleep last night and every ticking minute felt like an eternity. Ava had stayed on the phone with me until the early hours of this morning but she ended up falling asleep on me. It was only after a couple of minutes of silence from her end that I chuckled to myself when I realized she had indeed fallen asleep. The selfish part of me wanted to shout through the phone and wake her up but instead I just laid there listening to her soft breathing. Her breathing was so steady and peaceful; I longed to be able to experience the simple act of sleep even if it was for only once in a while. But my insomnia had gotten worse these days and it was no different tonight. It was comforting to hear her though even if it was through the telephone and the thoughts began to race a mile a minute inside my head about how I was gonna make it up to her tonight.


Grudgingly I hung up the phone. Hearing her - but not having her with me to hold and to touch was driving my body insane. How could her breathing have such an effect on me? “I’m definitely not going to be able to sleep now” I thought to myself. I could feel the blood pumping through my veins – I needed to get myself in check before tonight. Can’t risk getting worked up like I did the night before last.



~~~~


I couldn’t wait to get back home to the children; I hate it when they’re not around. The loneliness gets unbearable without them and it makes me wonder how did I ever survive before they were born? Their faces are what’s given me the strength I’ve desperately needed to make it through the past few years and I can honestly say that if it wasn’t for them – I don't think I'd be here today.

The two mile ride back to the house in Spring Valley went by quickly. As the property came into view I could feel my excitement starting to build at the thought of seeing the children. It was still only seven am so I was hoping that they would still be tucked up in bed so I could surprise them with breakfast.

I had asked Bill to stop at the pancake house not far from where we are living. They made some of the most delicious pancakes and waffles I'd ever tasted and every now and then I would allow myself and the children to taste their delicious treats. The kids loved the chocolate chip pancakes and strawberry and blueberry waffles. My favorite was the pecan waffle which was topped with toasted pecans – delicious to say the least.

You wouldn’t believe how Blanket would go nuts over the giant apple pancake that they made. The thing was huge but he would tuck into it like there was no tomorrow. I had to admit - the apple and cinnamon aroma that had been wafting out of the bags had actually got me quite excited too and I never really get excited over food.

Once safely inside I began to remove the food from the containers, piled it high onto the plates, set the table and then made my rounds.

After ten minutes of hugging, kissing and pleas of how much they missed me and I was to never leave them again, we began to tuck in. This was my favorite part of the day. Meal times with the children were so precious to me; I guess it reminds me of when I was little and of my brothers and sisters crowding around the dining table back in Gary.

As I watched them enjoy their treat, I debated on how I was gonna tell the kids about Ava. I mean it was only fair that they know about her especially if she's to come over to the house tonight. I had mentioned it to her last night on the phone and at first I thought I had scared her off a bit. I mean I know it might seem a bit too soon to be introducing her to my children but to me it made perfect sense. By meeting the most precious people I have in my life, surely she’ll see how serious I am about giving us a real try. After all, if she couldn’t accept my kids then that would be it. I guess I wasn’t really worried about her not accepting them as she had told me a thousand times over how much she wanted children of her own and that I was really lucky to have such sweet kids.

No I guess I was more worried about them accepting her. We’ve been through so much together that they’re very protective of me as I am of them. But they’ve never done particularly well in the past with sharing me with a woman, especially Paris who is so protective of me that sometimes I have to remind her who the parent is. She’s so strong minded and gutsy that I know whenever a woman comes around she feels a little bit threatened. I know where she’s coming from, after all she is my Princess as I tell her every day but I really want them to know what it’s like to have a mother figure around. I know they have Grace to look to and I love that woman for all that she’s done for us but it’s not the same. To have a partner, a lover, a friend, a mother all in one, looking out for both me and the children is what I really want... is what I really long for I guess.

“Hey guys”, I start... it’s now or never.

“So I was uh, thinking that maybe I would invite a friend over tonight to watch some movies with us. Whacha’ think? Sound good?” Why do I feel so nervous?

“Oooh can we watch Madagascar 2 again dad. Pllleeeeaaaseee.” Blanket begs. Ever since we had received an early preview of that film that’s all he’s wanted to watch when we have movie night.

“Madagascar again?” Prince moans. “Dad do we have too? We’ve seen it like a hundred times now?” I can see his point but I still love that film, those penguins are too funny for words. Whenever they get together with the monkeys I nearly die from laughing so hard.

“Well what do you wanna watch Prince?” I need to try and keep the peace before Ava even gets here I think to myself.

“Daddy you should know what Prince wants to watch. He’s obsessed with the Dark Night.” I nearly choke on my orange juice when Paris states this obvious truth. As I flashback to a couple of nights ago to when I watched it with Ava I quickly realize that this film is a no-go.

Trying to think of how I was going to talk Prince out of us not watching that movie, I prayed Paris would come to my rescue as I asked, “Paris baby what would you like to watch?” Please Paris, please say something that we’ll all want to watch without world war three breaking out I begged silently.

“Urgh, dad if she has her way we’ll be watching High School Musical all night.” 

“Prince”, I warn “You’ve had your say now let your sister have hers.” They know that I don’t like it when they interrupt each other from speaking and the sheepish look he gives me tells me that he’s sorry.

The slight smirk that Paris gives her brother is not lost on me so I raise my eyebrows to let her know she’s been caught.

“Well daddy I wanna watch Harry Potter, the new one, ya know the half-blood prince. That’s my favorite one of all time. So can we watch that?” 

Good choice I think to myself. We all love that movie and I know for a fact Ava wouldn’t have seen it as it’s not being released until November. The perks of being so famous I guess.

“Yea, yea I wanna watch that too dad.” Blanket enthusiastically says as he’s bobbing up and down on his chair. That boy reminds me so much of myself growing up. Always up to mischief, hanging off of the furniture like he’s a monkey in a zoo or playing pranks on his brother and sister. I laugh at his reaction.

“So whadda ya say Prince? You wanna watch it too?” please say yes, please say yes I pray.

“Yea okay dad, I guess I like that movie too. Let’s watch that one then.”

Jackpot! Oh thank the Lord we’ve settled that little dispute. How embarrassing would it be to sit and watch the Dark Night with Ava and the children after the shenanigans we got up to after that movie the other night? I’ll never be able to look at Batman the same again.

“So who’s your friend that’s coming over Daddy? What’s his name?” I knew it would be Paris who would ask this question and the ‘his’ comment wasn’t lost on me either. I braced myself before I responded.

“Her name Paris.” I corrected her. “Her name is Ava.” The was no mistaking the flicker of jealousy I just saw pass over my only daughter’s face at the mention of the word “her.” Clearly this was not going to be easy but did I honestly ever think it would be?

“Oooo daddy has a girrrlll frrieeeend.” I can’t help but laugh at my younger son’s outburst. I would have said exactly the same thing when I was his age.

“She IS NOT Blanket. She’s not your girlfriend is she Daddy?” Any other time I woulda told Paris right off for shouting at her brother like that, but I can sense that she needs some reassurances from me so I let it slide this once.

“Hunny, please don’t get upset.” I beg. “Ava is a very special friend of mine and at the moment we’re just friends I guess, but uh, I’d like to be more than that so yeah, I, I guess I’d like for her to be my girlfriend.” I know she’s not stupid. I know that the three of them are not stupid. But I don’t want them to think that Ava will take their place in any way. The boys don’t seem to be that bothered when I have lady friends in my life but Paris.... she just can never let go of me enough it seems to be able to share me with them.

I can see that she’s upset as she just sits there staring at her plate while pushing her food around with a fork.

“Princess please don’t play with your food, its bad manners.” I tell her softly. “Look at me sweetie.” She looks up at me and damn but the world just seems to melt away when I look into those sparkling green eyes. They remind so much of Ava’s. I know I shouldn’t be thinking of Ava at a time when I need to be comforting my daughter but the similarities between them are... wow I just realized she could quite easily pass for her mother...

“Baby girl you will always be Daddy’s one and only Princess, you know that right?” I wait for her to nod and then continue, “But the thing is Paris, when you get older you’ll need someone other than your Daddy...”

“NO, NO Daddy that’s not true. I’ll always need you.” She shakes her head violently and I can sense some water works coming on.

“Hunny, let me finish okay?” She nods her head yes whilst wiping away a silent tear. I take her hand so that she can feel the sentiment behinds my words as I say, “When you are grown, you’ll look back on this conversation and know what I am talking about. But until then baby, you need to trust me okay?” I wait again for her signal to tell me she understands.

“So you need to trust me when I say that Ava is a good person. She’ll never take the place of you or your brothers in my heart but... but there’s room inside for her as well. Do you understand?”

“Yes Daddy.” She quietly whispers.

“Boys, do you understand?” I look over to Prince and Blanket for their responses.

“Uh-huh”, says Prince shyly. His awkwardness just reminds me so much of myself at his age, it’s scary, like looking in a mirror.

“Yup Dad I know just what you mean.” Says Blanket as if he has any clue. I just laugh as his humor. That kid never fails to kill me with his comedy.

“Good. I’m glad we’ve had this talk. Please remember what I’ve said when you meet Ava tonight. I think you’re gonna like her. I'm sure of it” I beam with confidence but silently I am praying that tonight won’t be a complete disaster.

As I dismiss the children and tell them to go get showered and dressed, I tidy away the mess we’ve created over breakfast and start to think long and hard about tonight. I make a mental list of the things I need to ask Bill to get for me at the store and I ponder whether or not I should phone Ava. Looking at the clock and seeing it’s still only 07:45am I decide against calling her and settle for sending her a text message instead. It’s Sunday after all, she’ll probably be sleeping in like most normal people do on Sundays.


~~~~


The vibration against my ear shocks me out of the deep sleep I must have been in and for a second I wonder what the heck the sound/feeling is.

Rubbing my eyes and adjusting myself more comfortably on my bed I remember back to last night.....”S**t did I fall asleep on him?” I think to myself. I honestly can’t remember if I said goodbye or not. All I can remember is how heavy my eyelids were getting with each passing second as I listened to his silky smooth voice yakkin' on and on. Shy my a*s, that brotha can talk some.

Looking at the time on my cell I know the message has got to be from him. No other person I know phones or sends text messages this early in the morning. Does he ever sleep?

I open the message to read~

From: M (cell)
Jul 27, 2008 7:52 AM
Hey baby :o) I hope u slept well.
Cant believe u fell asleep on me
hehe. U still ok 4 tonite?
Hope u had sweet dreams x.x

Yesterday morning I could’ve happily murdered him but now... I feel like a school girl with a crush as I text back:-

To: M (cell)
Jul 27, 2008 7:55 AM
Hi Mike, I’m sorry I fell asleep
on u but ur yakkin kinda sent
me 2 sleep lol. Yep i’m still ok
4 2nite! what time shud i be
ready 4??? Miss u xxx :+)

It was true I did miss him. After we had made up and we had cleared the air, all I wanted was for him to hold me and kiss me and...

Urgh there he goes again always making me think naughty thoughts. I need to start prayin’ again cos this man is gonna send me to hell in a hand-basket with all the thoughts that are popping into my head. The vibration of my phone brings me back to reality again as I read:

From: M (cell)
Jul 27, 2008 8:01 AM
Yakkin? Girrrl I know u aint
talkin about me??? Some1
had 2 keep the conversation
interstin hehe.
Im glad I helped u 2 sleep.
I hope u can return the favour
cuz I didn’t catch a wink ;o)
can u be ready 4 6.30? Bill
will pick u up! x.x

Bill? What’s happened to my lovely friend Javon? I think to myself. 

To: M (cell)
Jul 27, 2008 8:05 AM
Yea 6.30 is fine with me!
No Javon tonite???
Do u want me 2 bring any-
thing? What are we doin
again??? xxx


He did mention last night about me meeting his children, I just wonder if today is gonna be the day? It’s probably too soon right? In a way I hope so because the mere thought of this makes me feel nervous. My insecurities begin to surface as I think to myself; what if they don’t like me and what if they give me hell? But his kids are a big part of his life and I adore children so how hard could it be right? Maybe I should run to the store and grab them a little present or something? Kids always like gifts so maybe that would help win them over! 


From: M (cell)
Jul 27, 2008 8:11 AM
No no BJ 2nite. Bills
gonna get u.
Just bring your sweet
self & i’ll provide the
entertainment. Cant
wait 4 u 2 meet my
kids. See u later
baby x.x

Sh!t so today IS gonna be the day. I really need to get my act together if I’m to make a good impression. Throwing back the blankets I make my way into the living room to get to the bathroom. Forgetting the scene before my eyes I think to myself “how the heck am I gonna explain all of this to Shawna?” The flowers are still taking up every inch of carpet space and there’s no way I can hide all of these in my room – it’s simply not big enough. I need to get my game face on and come up with an excuse... she’s really gonna suspect something now!