Chapter 18

I must admit that even though I’m nervous as hell to come face to face with Lucas again, I can’t help but spend the rest of the day walking somewhat on air.

This morning’s little impromptu phone session has my body yearning for the real thing even if I do feel semi-satisfied already.

Getting tonight over and done with can’t come fast enough for me. I’m still faced with my dilemma about whether or not I should tell Mike about Lucas contacting me. I know he has a lot on his plate right now so I really don't want to burden him. He’s told me bits and pieces about how he’s in talks with some promoter guys about doing some shows next year in London and how there’s money pressures being put on him to perform.

I was amazed that after only such a short while of knowing each other he could open up to me so much, but I guess that non disclosure form he had me sign a couple of weeks ago has put his mind at ease. At first I was a bit upset and shocked that he’d asked me to sign such a thing but now... it’s like a huge barrier has come down between us. I mean we’ve been pretty open and honest from the get-go, but there were some topics that he would steer well clear of. But now... it’s like with my signature on that one piece of paper, all of a sudden he can trust me more. Should I feel offended? Perhaps. Would I do the same thing if the roles were reversed? You bet your ass I would. For me, signing this piece of paper lets him know that I’m not out to make a quick buck off of him, that I do actually care... and honestly I do. Already he means the world to me and what he thinks of me... well I care about that a lot...

But back to why I’m avoiding telling him about Lucas’s request... I guess the nightmare’s he’s been waking from when I’ve slept over hasn’t gone amiss with me either. Its only happened twice, but on both occasions ~ something told me to remain quiet as though I was still asleep... if he knew that I knew... well let’s just say in the short space of time I’ve gotten to know him, Michael is a very proud man. I think it would embarrass him immensely if he thought I’d heard his moans and cries of suffering. I know it sounds mean not to comfort him, but I did the next best thing and pretended to shift in my sleep, throw my arms over him and hugged him close to my body. It must’ve worked because both times ~ he stayed pretty settled for the remainder of the night.

So why is it that inside my mind I keep hearing over and over like a mantra my Dad’s favorite saying “give your head permission to follow your heart.” I guess I know that deep down inside my heart, I should tell Michael about this situation, but I don't know what it is that is stopping me from following Dad's advice. Maybe it’s my stubbornness or independent streak kicking in, but my head is telling me to get it together and deal with this situation myself and I guess that’s just what I’m gonna do...



~~~~


Wearing the same black dress that I wore the first time I met Lucas, I made my entrance into the 40/40 club bang on ten pm. I didn’t want to give this guy my presence any minute longer than was necessary and the sooner this evening was over with...

I knew this place would be packed ~ it was a Saturday night after all, but tonight the place was filled to the rafters it appeared.

The way this joint was set up meant that there were rows and rows of long white sofas and it was more of a chill out sports bar than an actual club.

I knew that with the lack of tables in this place I’d have my space intruded on by Lucas. I knew I’d have to sit next to him on one of these sofa seats and the thought of having such close bodily contact to him makes me wanna throw up.

Making my way down the steps that separate each row of sofas, I spot him on the last row sat directly opposite the bar. He has a huge sh!t eating grin on his face and as I approach him, he starts to get up and holds his arms out as if I'm gonna go running into them for a hug ugh.

Seeing that I'm not going to reciprocate his gesture, he sits down and pats the seat next to him signaling that I’m to follow suit.

Handing me a glass of pre-poured drink, he raises his glass as though he’s toasting some good news or something and I just glare at him like he has six heads. Is this guy for real? He wants me to make a toast with him? Psycho isn’t the word! 

Taking a sip of the fizzy liquid which I believe is champagne; he just glares at me and smirks as he drinks in my appearance.

I’m so glad I can’t see into his mind because I reckon I’d be disgusted at what I’d find if the way he’s undressing me with his eyes is anything to go by.

He confirms my fears by saying “Baby you look so good... mhmmm... good enough to eat.” Original much Lucas? I think to myself remembering him saying this exact same line to me that night we first met.

“Can we get this over with?” I ask in an annoyed tone and fail dismally to hide my frustration. Even though I know this guy is a tad psycho, knowing that I’m in a crowded room gives me the sudden courage to show my frustrations. However, my insides tell a different story... I wanna throw up I’m so nervous, but luckily I don’t think he can see just how much.

After a minute or so of stony silence he says with sarcasm “If I didn’t know any better I’d say you didn’t like me baby?”

Urg he’s so disgusting it’s unreal. I wanna take my glass and smash it into his smug looking face. Wow... Shauna is seriously rubbing off on me.

“My company’s not good enough for you tonight is it baby?” he says in a mocking tone. His smarmy voice to my ears sounds like nails on a chalkboard.

“I guess you wanna hurry up with me to go see your freaky looking boyfriend is that it?” he laughs coldly.

“Freaky looking? Have you looked in the mirror recently” I reply before I realize the error of my ways. Once again verbal diarrhea has gripped me in its clutches and I wait with bated breath for him to blow a fuse...

...but he doesn’t, he stays calm and continues to grin at me as though he knows some big secret or something.

“You wanna cut to the chase is that it?” He asks.

Is the Pope Catholic? I think.

“Yes Lucas” I sigh impatiently “I wanna cut to the chase.”

The smirk that has been plastered on his face ever since I arrived, has now turned into an upward snarl as he removes a rolled up manila envelope from the inside of his suit jacket.

“You know what this is?” he asks with a hitched eyebrow as he taps the envelope onto the palm of his other hand.

“Uh copies of the pictures you’ve already sent me?” I reply sarcastically.

I can tell his patience is wearing thin as he eyeballs me in a way that tells me I’m pushing my luck with my smart mouth.

“Actually no wise ass, this” he says as he thrusts the envelope my way “is the account details I want your boyfriend to transfer five hundred grand to. When he gets me my monies, I’ll letcha have the negatives including the ones of you kissing his freaky ass in a mask.” 

It takes a moment for me to digest the gravity of this situation, but when it does, before I even freak out over the ridiculously large amount of money he’s demanding, all I can think about is that he must’ve been watching me this entire time. This thought alone has my skin scrawling and I realize that Lucas could’ve caught up with me whenever he chose, if he really wanted to and that he probably waited this long to put us ~ as in Mike and I, in this predicament that we’re currently faced with.

“Lucas this is ridiculous. Five hundred grand? This is extortion, he’ll never pay you.” 

I’m pretty sure that Michael is going to hate me once he finds out what Lucas is up to. I can’t bear the fact that I’m the one who has caused all of this unnecessary drama that is forthcoming in his life. If I hadn’t been so selfish and had listened to my conscience that night, I would never have met Mike, therefore he wouldn’t be faced with being extorted and I would never have put him in such a compromising situation. I know he’s tired of being used for money and now he’s gonna see me in the exact same light as every other swindler that he’s crossed paths with before.

I gulp back my second glass of whatever it is Lucas has given me at the realization of these thoughts.

“Oh he’ll pay. Don’t’chu see baby, if you don’t get me my money, well let’s just say you gon’ regret the day you ever thought you could lay a trick on me! See errbody gon know you a ho’ by the time I get thru, an your man? He gon’ regret the day he ever laid eyes on you! How it gon’ look when errbody finds out he fu**ing a ho?”

The only thing I can think of is ‘why is he talking ghetto all of a sudden?’ I guess he really is living up to his ‘pimp’ image.

I can hear him talking on and on, but honestly the more and more he talks, the more and more I’m finding it hard to concentrate. After two glasses of the bubbly liquid poured from the bottle that is sat chilling inside an ice bucket in front of us, do alarm bells start to ring ~ literally.

I guess I’m attributing the spinning-room sensation that I’m experiencing all of a sudden, to me not being a heavy drinker. But it seems that I’m feeling woozy and disoriented all at the same time. I’m trying my best to focus on Lucas’ mouth as he talks but it feels like we’re in slow motion as I watch his lips move up and down but fail to focus on what he is actually saying. I can’t seem to stifle my giggles as they erupt when I suddenly notice ten Lucas’s sat in front of me.

Mentally I’m counting them...one...two...three...four...wow how’d he do that? Is he a magician I wonder?

Now feeling lightheaded, I have the overwhelming urge to puke and my body is yelling at me to get to the bathroom...fast. 

“Whhhhheeeerrrrrreeee yyyyyoooouuuuu gooooooiiiiinnnn?” I hear that slow motion voice drawl on at me as I get up. Yanking myself away from the hand that is gripping at my arm, I feel the poison that comes just before you’re sick seep into my mouth and instinctively I’m throwing my hand up to my lips to keep me from vomiting.

Now swaying from side to side, my instincts tell me to hurry before it’s too late. My vision is starting to blur as I clumsily make my way towards the ladies room.

Pushing the door open with all of my weight, I make it into the toilet cubicle just in time to fall to my knees and watch through blurred vision as the contents of my stomach splatter the stained porcelain bowl in front of me.

After a few minutes of heaving, I sit slumped against the cubicle door and try to control my ragged breathing. The little voice inside my head is telling me I need help.

Something’s not right and I have to get out of here, but how?

Inside the safety of the ladies room it’s a lot quieter and I can hear myself think. My head feels like it’s about to explode and I’m trying my best to focus, but it appears that my brain is not sending the necessary signals for my body to function properly.

I know I need to call for help but who? Shawna? Saturday nights are her busiest for work and I probably wouldn’t even get her to answer her cell.

Do I call someone form work? Stephen maybe? He’s always been a pretty decent boss, would he help me?

My arms feel like a dead weight as I try my best to retrieve my cell from my clutch bag.

Before I know it, I’m throwing up again, only this time I’m not quick enough to reach the toilet bowl as I fall forward on all fours and throw up on the floor.

Between heaves I hear a knock on the cubicle door and someone say “are you ok hunny?”

Why does my face feel wet? Am I crying? I heave and heave until there’s nothing left to bring up and next thing I know, I feel someone behind me lift my hair away from the mess I’ve created in front of me.

“Aw hunny, looks like you’ve had too much to drink” I hear a kind voice chuckle from behind me.

“Don’t worry hun, I used to be your age once so I’m not judging” she says.

“Come on baby, sit up for me. Lemme see if Charlene can fix ya up.” 

I can’t seem to make out her features but what I can see is big yellow hair. Her perfume is strong too and this triggers something as once again, I’m reaching forward for the savior of the toilet bowl.

I can feel her rub and pat my back as I continue to heave, only this time nothing seems to leave my mouth.

“C’mon doll sit back, take deep breaths for me” she soothes as I feel something cool touch first my cheek and then my head. Was that her hand?

“I’m gonna getcha some water okay?” the nice lady says, but the scared part of me is clutching at her arm and I’m silently begging her with my blurry eyes not to leave me.

I feel so paranoid and I’m afraid that if she leaves me, Lucas will get to me.

“It’s okay” she soothes “I promise I’ll be right back.”

Before I can open my mouth to protest, I watch in slow motion as the yellow haired lady called Charlene gets up and leaves me alone in the cubicle.

I need to lie down. The cold tiles beneath me feel so welcoming on my burning skin as I lay my right cheek down to them in the opposite direction of where I’ve just thrown up.

It feels like hours have passed since I last inhaled her strong scent but, just like she promised, the nice lady called Charlene is back.

I feel her lift me into a sitting position as she tries to get me to drink from the glass she’s holding up to my lips.

“Honey how many have you had tonight?” I hear her chortle as I feel her warm hand push my hair out of my eyes.

“Two” a small voice says. Was that me? It sounded like me, but did my mouth actually move? I feel so confused.

“Honey, you look like s**t. It looks to me like you’ve had way more than two” she sounds concerned. Her raspy voice sounds so calm and caring... she reminds me of someone?

It appears I’ve now lost my voice as no sound comes out when I try to tell her I’ve really only had two drinks. Instead I feel my head shake from side to side silently signaling to her my protest at her remark.

“No?” I hear her say. “Well then honey you must’ve been drugged or something cuz two don't get you looking the way you're looking right now and darling lemme tell ya, you look like me on a Sunday morning after I’ve spent the night with Mr. Daniels and that ain’t a pretty sight” she jokes.

I close my eyes to try to stop the pain in my head, these lights are too bright and I just need to sleep. I feel my body starting to slump forward and if it wasn’t for Charlene catching me in her arms, I probably would have knocked myself unconscious by now.

“We need to get ya some help pumpkin” her voice sounds so far away... “are you here with friends?” she asks.

“No” I hear myself whisper. My throat is so dry and my mouth tastes disgusting. I must smell like sh!t.

“Of course ya not, you wouldn’t be in this state if you were with friend’s right?” She says this more to herself than to me.

“You want me to call someone for you? Or should I call the paramedics?” 

Again all I can do is shake my head no. This makes Charlene laugh once again as she says “no you don’t want me to call for help?”

Even in my state of delirium my practical side is still lurking around and I’m yelling inside my mind “Yes lady I want you to call for help but the last thing I need is to go to hospital and be slapped with loadsa medical bills that I simply cannot afford.”

I nod my head and hope to God that she can read my mind or something because I’m too out of it to speak.

I know I need her to get to my cell phone and dial someone... anyone...but who?

Then it dawns on me... Michael. 

He’s home... he’s waiting for me to get off “work”... he’ll pick up... I need him now more than ever...

I fiddle with my clutch bag trying clumsily to get it open. Charlene must've seen what I’m trying to do as she starts to help me to get it open and I’m nodding my head when I give her my cell.

At first my voice fails to make a sound when I mouth what I’ve saved him under in my cell. After a few more attempts I hear my croaky voice say“M... call M...”

After what seems like an eternity of hearing Charlene pressing keys and the keypad beep-beeping with every option she chooses, I hear her announce“it’s ringing.”

I sigh inwardly a breath of relief. Even though I’m gonna have major explaining to do, I feel better knowing that Mike will be there for me.

I hear Charlene’s infectious laughter once again as she says “Uh hi there. I’m not babygirl but I think I have her sat here with me.”

Knowing that I’m going to be safe and that I won’t pass out or die alone here on the ladies room floor, I succumb to the heaviness that’s weighting my eyelids shut and within seconds.... my body relaxes... as my deep breathing subsides... it’s now so quiet... and peaceful... and serene....and everything is turning to black...